’Til Death Do My Part
High school sweethearts, Isaac and Ella, had been happily married for over 60 years. However, Ella was hospitalized with a very aggressive form of leukemia. After being told her diagnosis, Ella was upset and asked only about treatment options, clearly not wanting to know the survival rate. An anxious Isaac searched online and asked her doctors about the likely prognosis , discovering that Ella probably had less than a year to live—maybe up to two years if she could receive a stem cell transplant. Given the gravity of Isaac’s research and her initial reaction, he did not immediately share this information with his wife. However, as the next year went on, she would often ask “Am I going to live?” and “Are we going to beat this leukemia?”
Isaac ultimately chose to answer “yes” and “yes” every time. It’s important to emphasize he didn’t merely answer a couple yes or no questions; instead, he resolved to behave every day in such a way that assured Ella that they had a future together. He was determined to never waver and never show doubt. He struggled deeply with this decision, but he ultimately believed that truth and giving hope to Ella were mutually exclusive. While Isaac deeply valued the truth in his personal and professional life, often repeating the refrain “the truth shall set you free,” upon deliberation, he determined that acting in accordance with the truth is not always the best thing—in fact, he believes, sometimes one must sacrifice one’s own ideals for the sake of someone they love.
Thinking over his decision, Isaac also considered the duties of a relationship generally, and a marriage more specifically. One thought he had is that the foundation of marriage is a radical self-disclosure. Your good news is my good news, and your bad news is my bad news. Another thought is that the foundation of marriage is a selfless serving of the other, and that, as a partner, you have privileged access to what your partner needs; with this in mind, Isaac felt confident that what Ella needed most was confidence that it was going to be okay.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
When, if ever, is it permissible to deceive someone for their own good?
Isaac considers a couple “foundations of marriage.” What do you make of his proposals of self-disclosure and selfless serving? What else might serve as the foundation of such a relationship?
When might duties to serve others override duties to broader ethical principles?
How might Isaac’s duty to share the information with Ella change if his relationship to her changed (e.g., if he were a nurse or doctor as opposed to a husband)?
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