Ghost Protocol
Walt is enjoying texting with his new romantic interest when, suddenly, he receives a text from his ex, wanting to rekindle their relationship. Walt turns him down cordially but starts unpleasantly reminiscing about how things ended and how abandoned he felt when the relationship broke down. Given his recent feelings, he resolves to cancel an upcoming coffee date with his new friend, but he is nervous about hurting his date’s feelings. A day passes, then another. But Walt is having trouble working up the courage to break the news to his date. He is worried that their feelings will be hurt, or that they will get angry at him, and he fears that explaining his reasons for canceling the date will make him feel foolish and immature. His date is still texting, wondering where Walt has been and why he hasn’t been replying. The day of the date comes and goes, and eventually Walt no longer receives any texts.
Michelle has just finished her second date with a boy she met on Tinder. He was pleasant enough, paid for the food, and drove her home, but she’s just not interested anymore. He talked a little too much about how much he liked The 1975, made an offhand comment about her vegan dinner, and was a little rude. She begins to consider these factors a few days after her date, though she has already agreed to see him again. She decides she can’t really be bothered to text him back: she just doesn’t really like him anymore. He asks where she’s been, says that he had a fun time on their date, but eventually he too stops texting.
Ghosting is a somewhat common phenomenon in the age of texting and social media. Some justify ghosting by claiming it’s easier to not respond rather than to tell someone you aren’t interested in seeing them anymore. Perhaps some ghosters really do intend to text their dates back, but forget. Many probably feel embarrassed about a long gap in responses and prefer to simply let the connection die. Whether ghosting is morally permissible is a controversial matter. One might worry that ghosting is selfish, and that it sacrifices the feelings of another person for a momentary relief from an uncomfortable social situation. Others could claim that some “ghostees” deserve to be ghosted.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
Is ghosting in either of these cases morally permissible?
Do we have a duty of communication towards others, especially if that communication is a desire to cease further communication?
Under what circumstances is it okay to prioritize our own convenience and comfort at the expense of others?
EXPLORE MORE CONTEXT
Article
Article